Author Archives: Barbara Pagano

About Barbara Pagano

Barbara Pagano,Ed.S., author and speaker, influenced over 3,500 executives in organizations to achieve higher performance. She is now on a mission to help individuals extend their career arcs and craft lifestyles of productive longevity.

Not This Life . . . That Life

Nothing is forever, it was true. - from Miss Jane, A Novel by Brad Watson
Nothing is forever, it was true. – from Miss Jane, A Novel by Brad Watson

I have not posted in a while. I couldn’t.

I lost my endeavor.  I didn’t feel like it.

Besieged is how I have felt. Priorities I carefully chose suddenly began to compete for my energy. The necessities of participating in life (and moments of trying to figure it out what was happening) made even the creative possibilities I set in motion impossible.

I was deprived of clarity.

It happens all of us. Life is like that.

So I began days not with a to-do list but no list at all.

The space that allowed was not my undoing but my deep privilege. It’s been 7 months.

iphone 2016 232

Ambushed by Desire

What hit me was an intense longing.

I wasn’t unhappy. In fact, life was good.

I live in an appealing place, in a house that sits beautifully on the water’s edge, with a man I love and respect who loves me back more. I bike, have friends, travel and cherish my relationship with my beautiful daughter and her family.

I had determined a path for my work in the future.

There was nothing not to like.

A simple invitation to a place I’d never been began my undoing.

It happened as I walked up a hill in a Mexican mountain town. This strong stir arrived with clear verbal intent. OMG, I want to live here.

I could have blamed the altitude.

“I want to shape my days in a different culture.  I want to better know individuals I’m meeting. I like this walk on dusty cobblestones in this old town where I buy beautiful flowers in the market for not a lot of money, sit in the square and listen to bells, and be the recipient of the shoe shine man’s smile as he deciphers my Spanish.”

(I also like daily living with a maid and gardener – both in the realm of possibility if you live in Mexico.)

I’ve had extended stays of 3 months in Nicaragua, Chile/Argentina, and Ecuador. But this was different. This was about long run – say a couple of years. A semi-permanent or maybe permanent, this to that.

Returning home, I gaze online at real estate in San Miguel de Allende. I have never returned from anywhere and done this.

Where did my longing come from? I do not know. It simply arrived.

I could have archived it. I did not.

It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are still alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger for them. ― George Eliot
It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are still alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger for them.
― George Eliot

Longing is Invitation

General malaise, discontent, envy and depression are signs of uneasiness with life.

I didn’t have those so this longing – this heartfelt desire to live differently– felt out of place.

In the last third of my life, I’ve had false starts and fruitless detours. But I had re-ordered and restored myself to an equilibrium that for sure didn’t need stirred up with a grand scheme of packing up and moving.

The idea does not please either my husband or my daughter.

Perhaps, I thought daily, this yearning feeling will go away.

Longing has sharp edges. Longing beckons and stabs.

In longing we move from the known to something we want that is unknown, to somewhere we may know little about and to lovers with whom we’ve spent little time.

Longing transforms a life. Longing can begin with a small inkling or a tiny notion. Longing can clang so loudly it hurts.

We have to be determined to block out noise of an unfulfilled whim or instinct. Perhaps you are good at this. Many of us are.

A good way to keep everything in check is to map out a linear life for your last third of living then relish that safe feeling. I get that.

But life should not feel like you have already arrived.

iphone 2016 329

You are 2/3rds Done

Perhaps, you think it’s crazy to harbor hopes and dreams in the last twenty years of life, let alone act on them.

I can’t honestly say I blame you. It complicates things and gets you all scaredy-cat.

Here’s what I know. I felt more in the middle or late-middle of life than toward the end. If you think you are half-way done with life, you could be kidding yourself. I was.

But if you are late-50s you are more like 2/3’s done.

This realization will shorten your orbit. (All this is without the disturbing speculation that your health and your death is out of your control.)

Get a good list of your unfulfilled desires up against a realistic timeline of your life that’s relatively small at this point and I guarantee you’ll be far less intimidated about changing up life.

I visited San Miguel four more times to look beneath my infatuation. Was I being ambushed by hype?

I took friends with me and watched as they never felt anything near my euphoria. Some liked it well enough. Others readily packed and won’t return.

Two people who clearly love the lives they created in this place provide solace.

One moved to San Miguel from Atlanta over ten years ago and vibrancy radiates through the ends of her short red hair. The other just sold a home in San Miguel and said, “It’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”

iphone 2016 412

That. I Want That.

Eventually I realize that intense longing has bored a hole into my good life more than once.

My longing moments always begin with Oh my god because they upend me:

  • OMG, I want get married. (1965 and again in 1981)
  • OMG, I’d like to bike the Pyrenees (ongoing)
  • OMG, I want to have a baby. (1969)
  • OMG, I have to go here. (inspired by pictures to a place I’d never heard of-  Oaxaca, Mexico – 1988)
  • OMG, I’ve got to leave this job and do something else. (early 90s)
  • OMG, I want to get in that sailboat and see how far I can sail it. (In my case, learn to sail it. – 2010)

Action ensued on all of these except for that biking trip to the Pyrenees which is a stretch for my capabilities but I’m not dismissing it. Modified, it could happen.

These longings turn out to be markers of change that made my life bigger and better.

But when you are a mature adult – again let’s say fifty-five or so – it’s a great deal easier to keep living the same life suffused with an understanding that you had your chances and this is what you got.

So you live the life you have.

Nothing wrong with that but it’s not how I’m going to do it.

The longing doesn’t feel out of place anymore. It feels grand.

iphone 2016 037

Post Script

Thanks to all of you who electronically or in person let me know that you missed my posts.

I am in thoughtful pursuit of getting my desires into reality. I continue to hold to fast to encouraging each of you to live deeply by sharing knowledge, experience, and wisdom from a firm foundation.

Expect shorter posts and a finished book.

I hope you will travel along with me and join in the conversation. I appreciate each one of you.


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Let’s Have Dinner and Talk About Death (and Life)

Cowboys in the streets of Deloris Hildalgo, Mexico, on way to a wedding around the corner.
Cowboys in the streets of Deloris Hildalgo, Mexico, on way to a wedding around the corner.

There’s nothing I like better than good conversation at my dining table. Good conversation is rich, and rewarding. Good conversation means you learn something that makes your life better.

But while the grilled swordfish is the best ever, what’s said or not said around the dinner table can’t be predicted.

It’s a rarity. But once is a while, I pray for any talk to be exchanged.

We have relatives who eat an entire meal – a really good one cooked lovingly by me – in silence. They never look up from their plates even as my husband and I struggle to ignite the smallest of small talk.

Herb and I lock eyeballs from the ends of the table to signal, “Your turn.” Sometimes my husband declines his turn which prompts me to glare and mouth, “Don’t you dare.”

We survive. It’s exhausting.

With different people around the table, talk happens easily. Everyone participates.

But honestly chatter about your Budapest vacation ten years ago or your son’s newest job doesn’t make me a better person or help me navigate my life.

Am I the only one keen on deep, insightful conversation? 

Not on your sweet purpose driven life, dear readers.

Gatherings over dinner to talk about death are part of an international movement called “Death Over Dinner.” The goal is to talk about important end-or life questions before it’s too late.

Since the Death Over Dinner project was founded two years ago, more than 70,000 people in over 20 countries have gathered to dine and discuss their views on a “good” death, and the issues that will matter to them in their senior years.

Death Over Dinner was originally designed in the U.S. by Michael Hebb and Angel Grant to encourage people to have conversations about end of life and End of Life Care at the kitchen table rather than in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU), when it’s too late.

DOD is an interactive website that encourages conversation to start with family and friends while breaking bread with a range of tools, reading and support materials, as well as tips to get the conversation started.

Am I enthused to host an interactive dinner on the difficult conversation about death?

Not really.

But I am inspired that people are transforming important issues into conversation of deep engagement and insight because we just don’t do a lot of that at dinner parties.

When was the last time you learned something that made your life better?

When was the last time someone’s experience inspired you to make a change?

When’s the last time an individual’s way of thinking caused you to think differently? IMG_4895

 The Funeral Plan You Don’t Have and I Do

Interesting don’t you think? Being invited to a dinner party with a theme to engage us in topics we’d like to avoid or don’t often talk about openly.

Picture guests moving green beans around on their plate while an individual shares she has full instructions for her funeral tucked away in an electronic folder appropriately titled, “When I’m Gone.” 

That would be my folder.

Wouldn’t you like to hear why I might choose Roy Orbison’s In Dreams to be sung at my funeral over The Old Rugged Cross?

Or how I made the list of who gets what and why I keep changing it? (Bet the kids will text me on this.)

Part of me is kidding here. Not about the funeral plan folder. I really do have this.

But no Death Over Dinner will happen at my house.

Instead you might find yourself at my table encouraged to participate in topics slightly less uncomfortable.

amsterdam 329From the Arc of Life

With each passing day in midlife the past grows longer, our futures shorter. We’re all essentially just as interested in learning the meaning of life as say, the latest spoils of the upcoming November election. (Say this is true. Please.)

We could make our lives better if we talked about it. We can learn, discuss and engage with one another.

So what could we talk about?

What are you hoping from life ahead?

What part of your life has been neglected?

What saddens you about being the age you are?

What regrets have a chance to be fixed?

What has almost broken you in your lifetime so far and what did you learn?

What do you believe about your life ahead?

What’s a turning point or future challenge?

How have your children disappointed you and what are you doing about it?

What advice would you give your younger self?

What’s your take on aging?

Many of us have our rich and rewarding conversations with one other person. I love when I take away a nugget to clarify and navigate my own life better.

That’s happened to you. I know it has. I hope it has.

But a group conversation has a much different component and impact.

Imagine hearing from the journeys of six or seven people

who lay down their story lines

to allow you to soak in their experiences and wisdom?

What an incredible evening. I’ll bring dessert.

A candy-colored clown they call the sandman tiptoes to my room every night. Just to sprinkle star dust and to whisper, "Go to sleep, everything is alright." -In Dreams, written and sung by Roy Orbison
A candy-colored clown they call the sandman
tiptoes to my room every night.
Just to sprinkle star dust and to whisper, “Go to sleep, everything is alright.”
-In Dreams, written and sung by Roy Orbison
Posted in Self-Management | Tagged | 1 Comment

Just Selfish Enough: Fighting for the Life You Want

IMG_1565Liam, my four-year-old grandson, is curious about the planets, overturns rocks to pick up any bugs that don’t move fast and chooses to release his highly prized lightening bug from the jar – “because he is lonely.”

Each afternoon on the playground when his name is called for pick up, Liam runs to his two best friends, Isaiah and Anna Noelle, to give each one a hug goodbye.

The child is curious, affectionate, loving and kind.

Liam is also selfish. Supremely so.

He is intent and purposefully fights like hell to get what he wants, when he wants it and how he wants it.

How glorious to watch an individual strive to arrange the world to meet his expectations and revel in happiness when it all goes his way!

After a five-day visit last week what’s obvious is that my drive and skills to live the life I want pale in comparison to Liam’s passion. This is a big surprise because I don’t shy away from identifying and acting on my needs and wants. (You can look forward to details on this.)

Liam will lose his lust and urges for putting himself first in the next few years. Teachers, parents, the system, culture – all will tell him bad things about selfishness. The stigma of putting himself front and center in his life will inhibit his zest for fighting for what he wants.

That’s happened to millions of people who now tell me they look forward to life after retirement so they can “do what they want when they want” or “finally live the life they want.”

Well what do you know? A last ditch effort to get a life we want. Like bookends on a life, selfishness emerges.

But after all the years living without putting ourselves first, perhaps we can use Liam for inspiration and even skill building.

Ready to learn from someone who just hopped out of toddlerhood?

Here we go. (more…)

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How to Render the Desires of Your Grown-Up Heart into Life Ahead

Every time I start a picture...I feel the same fear, the same self-doubts...and I have only one source on which I can draw, because it comes from within me. --Federico Fellini
Every time I start a picture…I feel the same fear, the same self-doubts…and I have only one source on which I can draw, because it comes from within me. –Federico Fellini

In the blue distance your life will unfurl.

I wish people spent more time contemplating that blue distance and less time on Facebook.

There is so much more to life unseen by the eye. Brazen of me to say as Instagram revels in double-digit growth. Selfies are now one of the most popular activities in our culture. Don’t tell me you haven’t done this.

Obviously social media has proven we are obsessed with ourselves.

Good news for those of us with a long future to map out. As well as a look at our lives as it unfolds, perhaps we can start a conversation to discover dormant aspirations, wants, longings and requests for a life ahead.

To unlock an idea or two on how to make our lives more of what we want, I advocate you listen don’t look.

Where to start our listening?

Well, your book club probably has ideas about how you could live your life better. Your daughter, husband, partner, ex-husband, your mother, therapist, and even your BFF may enlighten you.

There’s more.

If you could eavesdrop last week in the kitchen of that couple cleaning up in their kitchen after you left the dinner party, their conversation might explain your better life to you.

These are all voices worthy of consideration – modest and minor perhaps – but, you get the point. Contributions on how your life could be better abound.

Being busy and all, let’s cut to the chase. There’s one person who knows us best.

You got it! And you talk to yourself about your life all the time.

But mostly that’s a voice from your head which is good, just not reliable enough for all the important decisions for all of life’s twists and turns.

Another voice that can guide you to even smarter options for your future life waits quietly to help you. This voice knows you just as well as your head voice, but in different ways.

It’s a small voice deep inside your gut that waits for years between invites.

Nevertheless, it’s always 288

Getting Tough

If you expect me to jump right in with soupy quotes about how you should start journaling to unlock your deep heart desires or how listening to your heart will power up your authentic self, I anticipate disappointment because this isn’t going to happen. Check out Oprah for the soul approach.

First let’s get real and start with firm footing.

When it comes to creating a better life or making a transition, your rational mind and all that you’ve learned are invaluable.

Life lessons help us know how to create a better future path; improved decision making doesn’t hurt.

By middle age, you’ve weathered some serious setbacks. You’ve lost at love, not been chosen more than a couple of times, and experienced career frustrations, drawbacks and defeats.

Friend and sibling dis-enchantments stack right alongside children who were pains in the ass, proved to be disappointing and may still be on the payroll and/or live at home. Serious illness, parents gone.

When it felt like the end of the world, you kept going.

You survived. You are strong.

I started feeling strong in mid-life. I still feel it.

I lost a lot of my fragility when I was 25 in a Master’s Program intent on building my psychological core (lots of Esalen stuff). At 30 (divorce) came financial and parental responsibility (single-working mom -7.5 years), at 41 came entrepreneurial challenges (a career pivot), and in my mid-fifties I set sail with my daughter for a 6-month not-knowing-much-but-doing-it-anyway stint. At 60 I drew strength to carve out a new life using a work a little, play a little model.

So many people feel that strength is in their youth. That’s not really spot-on.

It takes time to get a notion of your strength.  You don’t really know what you have inside until you are faced with drawing upon it.  I’ve learned this is the great inspiration of life.

But even as I’m strong, at times I’m lost and I don’t know why.

On days when my future is unclear, I can get hesitant or doubtful. I can even be skeptical about putting forth the effort to be in charge of my life. (I’m turning it over to God. Whatever. I’ll figure this out later. Just let it happen.)

It may seem puzzling to feel strong alongside feelings with names like – uncertain, ambiguous, tentative and lost. All it really means is you need more information.

Input perhaps from … yes,that small voice inside … the voice of your heart to tell you first-hand ways to find your way.

Why is it that the voice from your heart is so important?

Because your heart is never lost.

For the past thirty-three years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" and whenever the answer has been "no" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. --Steve Jobs
For the past thirty-three years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” and whenever the answer has been “no” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. –Steve Jobs

The Heart Knows Your Reality

While being strong is about surviving, being strong is also about being as honest as possible about yourself with yourself.

Why listen to your heart now when you haven’t done so well doing it before?

Why listen to your heart when you doubt you can do what it asks of you?

Why listen as your health falters or future finances are gloomy?

Why listen now when you already listened a decade ago and made decisions about your life then?

Because listening to your heart creates awareness of your current reality and gives you perspective of your impending life.

The heart knows that things that matter in the time ahead will be different than what mattered in the past. Fore sure, we’ll take life lessons with us into the future. But life lesson are from the past and the past is another country.

You’re headed out of that country.

The heart is easy to talk to. You don’t have to fill the heart in on your past, prepare lists or even ask too many questions.

In mid-life the heart already knows your reality – that you are staring down the dwindling of time, busy as hell, don’t have all the time in the world and are not in the mood for reflective bullshit.

You need important truths. The heart will tell you those because the heart knows you are strong.

Best of all, the heart wants you to get your life right.


Listen to My Heart? Oh Please. So Woo.

When my heart talks to me, it says crazy things.

Some days my heart tells me I need pack up and move to San Miguel de Allende.  Immediately, my head chimes in with a litany of responsibilities, roles and commitments that would make this very, very difficult. (I kept editing out that second ‘very’ but each time my head made me put it back.)

Some days my heart tells me to lock myself in a room and finish writing the damn book. My head wants to know who will water my flower pots, make morning tea for my husband, bike with Marny, laugh with friends, travel with Dee Dee, play chase with my grandson, sit on the beach and read, or watch my grown child grow – all priorities that compete with every second of my life.

The contest between heart and head is a battleground.

Some people listen to their heart and don’t do a damn thing differently. Other people listen to their hearts and change their lives.

While the simple act of listening is important and powerful, there is no sense asking anything of your heart if you will not accept what the heart will say.

Will you immediately dismiss an idea, become overwhelmed, slip into doubt or succumb to defeat?

In other words, will you allow your head to interrupt the message and sabotage the process? Smart people do this all the time.

We must be clear on this: why listen at all?

To listen to your heart is to build strength through the honest conversation about yourself with yourself.

I’ve said this already but this is truly important. What you gain from being honest with yourself is just as great as any changes, if any, you make.

You will be stronger just because you listened.

IMG_3286 Mental Fitness Before Listening to One’s Heart

If you think you can pull up a chair and start talking to your heart, you are right. You can. But you’ll end up doing most of the talking since your heart voice can’t cut you off in the middle of a sentence or talk over you.

Ask your heart voice a question and you won’t get a lecture. You’ll get something more like a soundless tweet. You’ll have to listen hard.

The best conditions for listening to the voices in your heart are met when you seek and accept the gift and responsibility you are given – to live your one life as best you can.

Meet each of these 9 criteria before you ask anything of your heart.

  1. Believe You Are Responsible – Give yourself permission to life the life you want.

  2. Enhance the Perception of Control – You won’t control everything in your future. But you can control more than you think.

  3. Believe What You Do Matters – It matters to live in the present. It also matters to create the future.

  4.  See Positive Challenge– Try, try, try…then generously give yourself to failure if that’s how it works out.

  5. Enhance the Goal Value – Savor and Imagine your life at the end of an achievement…before you plan it.

  6. Devalue Competing Goals – Re prioritize everything all the time. Make your future in the top 3.

  7. Be Conscientious on One Thing – Forget lists. Be selective and accountable for one important thing.

  8. Fight Difficulties – There is no age when life stays on easy street for a long time. Fight.

  9. Regulate Your Emotions – Keep negative emotions – self-doubt, guilt, regret- at bay. Stuff them in an invisible suitcase. Do not pick that suit case up.IMG_4835

Last Call

The ‘rider’s up’ call given at the Kentucky Derby signals the horses to head to the track for the final race. Everyone anticipating the race listens for that call.

In late mid-life, there’s a ‘listen up’ call that alerts the transition to take you to your future.

Anticipate it. Prepare for it. Don’t miss it.



If this content leads to a bit of fresh thinking, new perspective or resonates with you, please “Like” this post. Thank you in advance.

I invite you to make a comment, join me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter. Special thanks to all of you who continue to forward posts. I appreciate that!

All Photos by B. Pagano.

Posted in Craft a Post50 Lifestyle, Self-Management | 1 Comment

Why It Matters to Know When You Leave Midlife Behind

iphone 2016 349“Let’s pretend for a moment that I am 73.”

That’s what I said to the audience an hour into my presentation, The New New Rules of Retirement. They knew immediately this was make-believe because I don’t look 73.

At least I don’t think I look 73. Anyway I am not 73…yet.

“If I am 73, am I old?”

The crowd is reluctant to answer. They murmur. Finally a brave soul shouts, “Yes, you are old.”

The audience grumbles at his truth. The age label isn’t playing well. Frankly, some look sorry for me when they are not looking at the floor.

The room turns quiet. Finally and firmly, one late-fifties executive states, “Naw, she’s not old.”

“Then, what am I? Am I middle aged?” I asked.

An audience member raises her hand. She needs clarification.

“Are you asking if you are middle aged at 73?”


Clearly, I am messing with them but for a very good reason.

iphone 2016 317Life’s Morning, Afternoon and Night

In your late 50s, 60s and 70s, life requires a new identity – one that combines elements of the past with today’s realities. Self-concepts are perplexing enough without bamboozling age labels to confuse us.

And we are confused. What is old? What is middle aged? Am I old? And what about you there approaching the backside of 50? How long before you’re old?

The developmental stages we once relied on to gauge our passages through life are no longer reliable.

–Adolescence – Adulthood – Old

This defunct model is much too contained for life as we know it and utterly useless in forming a new identity.

Still somewhere in your life is the middle and within the middle, a mid-point. There is beauty in symmetry but when the midpoint is passed, the proportion of your time on earth lessens.

Life forever more is asymmetrical.

We’re so busy we hardly notice. (more…)

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The Working Retirement: 7 Things To Do Within 5 Years of Leaving Your Job

IMG_0547It’s no joke. You intend to create a different kind of life in the future.

In this imagined life, you cease responding to texts and emails that waste your time. You’ll never again endure a narcissist’s rant.

No long commutes, improbable targets and boring, stupid meetings.

No way.

In this new life, the day unfolds just the way you’d like. You’ll ditch every person who really doesn’t matter to you because that’s what people do when time is precious.

Imagine that.

Ahead is travel, moments to stare at a river running, tea on the porch with old Aunt Phoebe and sharing gourmet strawberry-blueberry popsicles with a four-year-old grandchild who makes you swoon.

You’ll work.  Oh yeah.

This work beams enthusiasm and engagement into your life because you choose it. Best of all, you’ll make some money and avoid the #1 reported worry of running out of money in retirement.

Life will be grand, believe me.

IMG_0691Lights, Camera … Now What?

If you are mid-50s, 60s or 70s and don’t think this way, you should.

Just ahead is a big chunk of freedom, time and more than enough choices to create a life doing more what you want. It’s the last shot at getting it right which makes it different than other times in life.

This new life that heads straight for us but seems far away gets little of our bandwidth.

We make no firm plans. We prepare nothing in advance, put nothing in order nor concoct even one hair brain scheme to test the premise that the last third of life could be our very best.

It’s pure madness. (more…)

Posted in Craft a Post50 Lifestyle, Productive Longevity, Reconstuct Retirement, Self-Management | Leave a comment

Ten Ways to Transition into Paid Work Instead of Retirement

2014-10-04 15.37.08Yesterday outside Publix, I ran into an old friend. We talked, caught up and then he asked about my work.

“I’m helping people uncover possibilities for being productive in work until they want to retire at 85!”

He smiled. Gene is in his mid-sixties and lost his administrative job for a successful land developer when the economy sunk the business several years ago.

“Barbara,” he said, “I’m pretty much wasting away in front of the TV and doing social stuff. I would give anything short of bagging groceries to have work for 2-3 days a week.”

Gene isn’t depressed or unhappy with his life. But he could be happier if he were involved in work that utilized his talents.

If you are unemployed, already retired or looking ahead, the journey to discover work you want to do can confuse and overwhelm even the smartest, creative and most successful individual.

We are in the midst of a cultural shift – creating new paths for work and careers in this age of longevity – where many of us will have an addition 25-30 years of potential productive living ahead.

The good news is the world of work is opening up many possibilities for a late-in-life work-groove that fits the lifestyle you want to create.

This post is for you, Gene. (more…)

Posted in Craft a Post50 Lifestyle, Endless Careers, Productive Longevity, Reconstuct Retirement, Self-Management | Leave a comment

My Life, My Art: How to Make 2016 Your Kick-Ass Year

Life is your art. An open, aware heart is your camera. A oneness with your world is your film. Your bright eyes and easy smile is your museum. - Steven Pressfield
Life is your art. An open, aware heart is your camera. A oneness with your world is your film. Your bright eyes and easy smile is your museum. – Steven Pressfield

We live our lives. We don’t make our lives. Isn’t that right?

Of course not. I know you know this.

We make the lives we live – step by step, plunge by plunge. We construct, formulate and compose a production using our energies and spirit along with whatever else is thrown our way.

Currently our life’s play is stimulating, wonderful, dissatisfying, miserable, boring or downright dull. Yours may be infused with drama, a mishmash of responsibilities and consequences, just plain messy or ho-hum.

Unable to put your finger on what you don’t like about the scene in progress is bad enough. But now here comes an unwelcome interruption from a backstage voice booming a line that makes me cringe:

“You made your bed, now go lie in it.”

This is a punitive way of saying that we create the conditions of our condition.

Perhaps. But I don’t buy you have to stay in that bed.

Life as you know it can be better.


Posted in Productive Longevity, Productivity, Self-Management | Tagged , | Leave a comment

When Old Friends Aren’t Good Friends Anymore

iphone pix 082015 103 Let’s begin this valuable, well-researched and personal rant on friendship at the playground.

“Do you want to play with me,” asks the three-year-old.

What happens next can be heartwarming or heartbreaking.

Sometimes there’s no reply, simply a look between two kids before they begin to play together.

Just as often, a child says, “No,” turns and walks away. At other times, a stare is issued then he walks away.

But that’s okay. Liam, my grandson, will keep trying for that right person to be his friend for the next thirty minutes before he has to go home. He usually succeeds. I admire his patience and tenacity.

Getting refused three times in a row makes me want to head home. But not Liam.

No, he’ll run his truck through the dirt again and again until another child comes by. Then, he’ll look up and ask for the 4th time, “Do you want to play with me?”

We learn how to make friends early and we keep them – for a while, many years or a lifetime.

What we don’t learn is how to make sense of friendships gone bad or how to end being friends.

Friendships are far more complex than we might think. But most of us make our friends without consulting a manual and no one queries our theory of friendship.

A friendship doesn’t have clear timelines and boundaries, no ceremonial beginning and end. Still, friends are interwoven into our lives and we enjoy them … until we don’t.

Faced with breaking up with a friend is where I am now. It feels bad and will likely hurt, a little or alot.

This is not a sappy post about loser feelings when friendships end.

Still, let’s insert some heart breakin’ lyrics before we enter the kingdom of friendship to unravel our expectations, responsibilities and why we might carry the torch too long for a friendship that is over.

Just try to read the chorus from Fire & Rain without singing it. Impossible.

                I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain
                I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end
                I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
                But I always thought that I’d see you again


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Starry, Starry ‘Life’ – Inspire Your Reinvention with a Transition Story (6 Tips and 9 Ideas)

I dream my painting, and I paint my dream. - Van Gogh
I dream my painting, and I paint my dream. – Van Gogh

What’s the dream for your life ahead? How hard are you pushing yourself to get it?

The Rijksmuseum is TripAdvisor’s #1 rated ‘Things to do” in Amsterdam. But not for me. On my visit last month I wanted none of those dark Dutch paintings.

I wanted Van Gogh’s “Starry, Starry Night.” Turns out “The Starry Night” is in New York and part of the Museum of Modern Art’s Permanent Collection since 1941.

Never mind. The  Van Gogh Museum is spectacular without it.

Spectacular? Yep. With three floors of 850 paintings, 1300 works on paper, and insights from his correspondence (940 letters), you come to know Van Gogh – the person, the artist, his heartaches and determination.

There’s Van Gogh the junior clerk at an art firm, the teacher, the bookseller and the preacher. All this before he decided to become an artist at the age of 27. Self-taught, unmarried, childless and supported (and loved) by his brother, Theo. The public did not know of Van Gogh until after his death at 37; he sold one painting during his lifetime.

The Van Gogh Museum experience was a highlight of my time in Holland and later that afternoon I recalled another museum two years ago with floor after floor of colorful works of art.

The Museu Picasso de Barcelona houses one of the most extensive collections of artworks by Spanish artist Pablo Picasso whose life circumstances are the flip side of Van Gogh’s.

Picasso started to paint when he was eight, finished his first painting at nine (the year Van Gogh died) and at 13 he entered Barcelona’s School of Fine Arts, where his father taught. Picasso was an established artist at 20. Fame, fortune, numerous love affairs, three children – Picasso led the “good life.” He died at 91.

Each of these artists influenced future art and over 100 years later their works sell for millions.

In May 2015, Van Gogh’s “L’allée Des Alyscamps” was the big seller at Sotheby’s Impressionist and modern art auction bringing $66.3 million – when it expected to sell for 40 million.
In May 2015, Van Gogh’s “L’allée Des Alyscamps” was the big seller at Sotheby’s Impressionist and modern art auction bringing $66.3 million – when it expected to sell for 40 million.
Days later Picasso’s painting Women of Algiers set the record for the highest price ever paid for a painting when it sold for US$179.3 million at Christie's in New York.
Days later Picasso’s painting Women of Algiers set the record for the highest price ever paid for a painting when it sold for US$179.3 million at Christie’s in New York.

What does this have to do with you?

These twentieth century artists have two things in common:

  • Extraordinary productivity especially toward the end of their lives
  • A fire in their internal soul to continue their work – forever.

Neither of these artists allowed their flame for their work to be extinguished. You and I must discover and foster how this might be possible in our own lives.

How’s your flame doing?

When I was studying interior architecture, and playing around with glass because I really liked glass. There was one night when I blew a bubble and put a pipe into this glass I had melted and blew a bubble. From that moment, I wanted to be a glassblower. - Dale Chihuly Read more a
When I was studying interior architecture, and playing around with glass because I really liked glass. There was one night when I blew a bubble and put a pipe into this glass I had melted and blew a bubble. From that moment, I wanted to be a glassblower.
– Dale Chihuly

Off to Work We Go

It would have been understandable for Van Gogh to allow hardships which included anxiety, poverty and mental instability to dim his passion. Picasso didn’t need the money or much more fame. He could have stopped midlife.

Yet, in the last years of their lives they continued to pour energy into their work with remarkable results.

  • In his final years, Picasso had a tremendous last burst of productivity painting with the phenomenal speed he had had as a teenager in Barcelona.
  • Van Gogh painted 70 works in the last two months of his life.

People with high Career Wellbeing – doing meaningful work – are more than twice as likely to be thriving in their lives overall. (If you want to understand the research and documentation for choosing work, see Why You Must Dare, Dream and Work – Forever.)

We must ask:

How can we keep our flame for work and life from diminishing?

Do you feel your flame for putting your talents and skills to use in new ways?

Can you imagine doing your ‘work’ until the very last day of your life? (more…)

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